Aging has been something I have come to enjoy, so turning thirty didn’t really come with the same anxiety or dread that is stereotypically conveyed around moving into another decade. I am, however, human. It has definitely been a time for a lot of reflection, an intense evaluation of the past; knowing 30 years are now a developed photo album, of the once present moments that made up a lifetime. My lifetime.

I turned 30 on the 23rd of August, and I spent the weeks beforehand reflecting on all the key moments that have built me into who I am today, the relationships I have been lucky enough to create with others, and the relationship I have built with myself. It has been collectively happy, and sad, complex, and anxiously simple.

A decade filled with firsts.

I moved to Australia when I was 21

I came out as Gay when I was 22.

I went to therapy when I was 23.

I started working freelance at 24.

I was in my first relationship when I was 26.

I went back to college at 27.

I learned that life can be exactly what you want it to be, whilst also being everything you stress about. The way you approach every little detail of your life builds up into one collective way of living. You are so important, yet not important at all. The best and worst things will occur, and life moves on. It is a hard lesson, but it is also the thing that gets you through the toughest days; life will always go on.

It is also a reminder that everyday counts; every lesson needs soaked up, every word spoken instead of locked up inside. It has made me reflect on the things I have done, the joys I have shared, the mistakes I have made, the patterns I follow, and the people I love.

Reflection has been the theme. Slightly overwhelmingly so.

In the midst of it, I made a list to take into this next decade with me. Statements and values I have learned, and are still learning. Things I want to continue working towards, and things I wish I could tell my younger self.

Book mark it, put it down, maybe come back again.

Read them all, or read one.

1. Listen to your gut. It really does tell you a lot about how you feel. A person, a situation, your job, what you want to do, whether you feel comfortable, or whether you are somewhere you shouldn’t be. It is not always the only advisor you need, but consult it, it knows you well.

2. Do what you can with what you have. You can do a lot, with so little. Don’t spend time being sad about what you don’t have, do what you can to progress with the resources you have, and work towards the things that will move you forward and help you be a more knowledgeable, better, and stronger person. Mourning for what is not yours will leave you unhappy, even when you end up with what you once wished for.

3. Things are hard, and it can be tough to know whether they should be, or whether it is a sign that you are going in the wrong direction. What I have learnt so far is that things that are worth doing are often hard; they tend to make us feel better at our core. It’s the things that don’t give us the instant gratification, but the things that make us feel a sense of purpose when we are having a shower after a long day, or reflecting as we get ready for bed. Don’t stop when things get hard, but reflect as you move forward, and make sure it is worth the hardship.

4. “You can’t control the wind, but you can adjust the sails” – Why do quotes still make you cringe? Grow up. You are wholeheartedly responsible for yourself, but you cannot control what will come up in life. From the way people speak to you, or not getting the job you worked so hard to get, to heartbreak and grief. It is not about being perfect, but ultimately you choose. No one makes you angry, or no one makes you upset. It is a reaction, and they are all normal. We just get to choose which ones we give our time to. It is a hard one to a master, but over time you will learn when to let the wind move the sails, and when to fight back a bit.

5. Stop worrying about time. Don’t ignore it, but stop worrying. It will keep ticking, but if you are so focused on it, you will never enjoy the present moment, day, week, month, year, sunset, rainy day, hard conversation, good book. Time is never going to stop (unless I am not paying attention to the newest feature of chatGPT). Time needs to be respected, and it should be the fuel that drives us to live our life, but not the fire that burns away any of sort of enjoyment from the present moment.

6. Try things. If you are curious about something, try it. You find out a lot about yourself by finding out what you enjoy, and also just as importantly, what you don’t enjoy.

7. See things through. Finish the project. Give it everything you have.

8. Be patient. Results will come. In months, even years. But keep going, the feeling when the hard work pays off is worth the wait.

9. DRINK SOME WATER!

10. Don’t chase people, and don’t make people chase you – it will slowly chip away at everyone’s self-esteem. Don’t mistake this for making an effort. Be a good person; be a good friend or partner. But do not stick out any sort of relationship that is held up by only one side. Relationships will often compromise, and sometime those 50/50 efforts look like 70/30, or 40/60. But relationships only survive when they are watered on both sides.

11. Surround yourself with people that will tell you how they feel, even if that means telling you hard truths. This will feel alien at first, but you NEED them.

12. Don’t stop yourself from growing because previous versions of you suit others better.

13. Strong relationships will be hard sometimes. You may really hurt each other, and there might be some hard conversations, but the people to make time for, are those that work through those things with you.

14. Your relationship with your parents, or parent, changes as you grow - but no one really talks about it. Don’t get frustrated with the process, lean into it. Become best friends. Forgive them for not knowing everything. Give them space to be honest with you. Get to know them in a different way than you have ever known them. Support them. Have hard conversations. Let your relationship grow and evolve, just as you are.

15. Spend time with them; your parents. If losing a grandparent taught you anything, it is that you will never ever get time back, and our parents get older quicker than we want them to. So don’t miss them, call them; make plans, book holidays, make them feel special. It is time spent that you will never look back on and regret.

16. Grief. It is hard. It has no blueprint. But it is also strangely beautiful. It is a recipe of the memories you have inside of you, mixed in with all the wishes and plans you had for the future. It is your own grief, and the witnessed grief passed through the window of generations. Do not skip grief. Sit in the sadness, let it pass through you. Cry with it. Laugh it out. Write it down. It is part of the experience; it teaches us to be more grateful, and reminds us of our strength to get through difficult things.

17. Be nice.

Not fake, just nice.

Not boring, just nice.

You can have banter with friends, and not take it too far. You can be honest, and deliver it in a way that is respectful of someone’s feelings. Nice isn’t about being fake, it is a value to hold when approaching everything. Being a dick is nor demure, nor mindful.

18. It is normal to be jealous, but don’t let it make decisions for you, and don’t allow it to drive people away.

19. When you date people, don’t fight nature. If it is feeling good, then let it flow, if it is feeling like it needs an unrealistic amount of effort from just you, then let it go. Don’t ruin something good with jealousy. You know what life is like; there are so many people, and personalities, and wants and attractions. People will choose you, and others won’t, and you will do the same back. This doesn’t make people anything bar human. It may hurt, it may be frustrating, but try not to spend time hating people over it. Move on and give time to those that want you in their life – you will very clearly know who they are.

20. Your depression and anxiety will get worse. Don’t let it control you, befriend it. Get to know it, understand why it comes, and find out what it needs. It will feel like your weakness, but it will often be your strength. It will be the reason that you care so intensely, and the reason why you understand people’s pain. It will also be the reason you go on the journey of self care.

21. Speaking of self care – go to therapy. It is not weak, it is not embarrassing, it is like taking the biggest breath of air after feeling like someone was sitting on your chest.

22. DRINK SOME WATER!

23. Being Gay has everything and nothing to do with who you are. You have nothing to prove. You don’t need to prove that being gay isn’t weird, or isn’t an exception to the norm. You similarly don’t need to prove your gayness; you don’t need to be a specific amount of feminine or masculine. You are you, and you don’t need to fit into any norm, or group, or gay shaped hole (yes, this is the phrase I decided to go with). This doesn’t make you confused, this makes you a human being, who is alive, and who is navigating a world that makes everything overly complicated.

24. Question everything, but don’t be arrogant. Don’t be shy to ask questions, and if you don’t understand something, get clarity. Understand that people might not always have the answer, and sometimes you might have to do things without knowing the outcome, and that is also okay.

25. Everything has a consequence. This one needs balance. It is important to know that every action you take, every word you speak, it has a consequence. You can’t always be aware of this, and sometimes (even often) you will do things without thinking. But what you need to be prepared for is the aftermath. You need to be prepared to apologise or prepared to understand and listen to someone’s feelings. Understanding consequence will help you be empathetic, and help you be more mindful towards others.

26. Enter everything with an open mind. You won’t agree with everything, and you also won’t understand everything, or everyone. This is called life. Use it as a springboard to learn, not a belief that your lack of knowledge is the ceiling of truth.

27. Enjoy the process. Stop getting frustrated when you don’t know things you shouldn’t. Find out, it most likely is within reach, and very achievable.

28. There is a difference between a job and a career. Both have their purpose, and both work when the relationship you have with them works for you. Sometimes you just need a job, but you are the type of person that thrives off of being involved in work you care about. You are a career person – strive for something you love doing.

29. The corporate world can be selfish. Don’t let people take advantage of you, and don’t let it eat you alive. Know when to stick around for the challenge, and know when it is time to move on.

30. Take care of your body. Move it regularly. Prioritise sleep.

31. DRINK SOME FUCKING WATER ALREADY!

32. You are important, but no one cares. I mean this in the sense that you are so important, and your life matters, and people need you. But also, you are not important enough for people to be thinking about your every move, every single second of every single day – so just do the things without obsessing about what other people are going to think of you.

33. You are anxious at heart, so a lot of things will scare you. Do them scared, otherwise you might never do them at all.

34. Be able to have a conversation. We are doomed if we veer more towards this concept of strict views, and ideas, without being able to vocalise them in a conversation. We must protect the ability to be curious, and to understand things deeply without the fear of getting it wrong.

35. Get comfortable with differences. In fact, seek it out. It expands your mind, your views, your knowledge, your tastebuds, even your self-belief. You will find some of your best friends in those moments of breaking through the wall of being different.

36. Be able to admit when you are wrong, whilst also not feeling the need to prove you are right.

The beautiful part is everyone will have different lessons, and they will also most likely line up in similar ways. There will be people approaching thirty with a family of their own, a mortgage, possibly already getting divorced. There will be people who live with friends, are back in the dating game, restarting careers.

I think it is important to remember that wherever you are in life, you can begin something new, choose to reinvent yourself, and change trajectory completely. Or you can also learn that you are right where you are supposed to be and keep journeying forward.

Milestones are not pre-set. 30 doesn’t have to be a milestone if it doesn’t feel like one. 32 can be a milestone. Buying a bike can be a milestone. Changing a routine you have had for 10 years can be a milestone. Turning thirty for me is still one of those big moments, yet I am nowhere near where I thought I would be at this age. However, a big part of getting here was that there have been times I didn’t want to see 30, or parts of my mind that didn’t think I would get here. Often it is enough to acknowledge that you are here, and that you have the future in front of you. Celebrate that, as much as you can.

With Pryde,

Euan